Step right up, college football enthusiasts, for your weekly dose of grades and gridiron drama in the Week 12 edition. Buckle up, Wolverines; this one’s for you. But before we dive into the grades, let’s take a moment to sip some tea while the emails and tweets roll in.
As always, the grading criteria stand firm: the exceptional earns high marks, and once you’re in the failure lane, there’s no turning back.
Week 12 Highlights:
Auburn’s Shocking Defeat:
Auburn, Auburn, Auburn. For three consecutive years, we’ve wagged our grading finger at schools scheduling supposedly inferior teams in November. The season of giving is upon us, but sometimes it backfires in a blaze of glory. Auburn handed nearly $2 million to New Mexico State, who had a good laugh all the way to a 31-10 victory, marking their first-ever win over an SEC team. Ouch. Maybe Auburn fans can repurpose that toilet paper intended for Toomer’s Corner.
Alabama’s Payday Exhibition:
Alabama and Chattanooga of the FCS engaged in a $600,000 payday affair. The Crimson Tide emerged victorious in a 66-10 spectacle that felt more like a casual seven-on-seven drill than a competitive game. Money well spent, Bama.
Florida State’s Pricy Misstep:
Florida State, eyeing a playoff berth, dished out a modest $400,000 to North Alabama and, unfortunately, lost its starting quarterback in the process. An expensive setback, both in terms of cash and quarterback health.
They Said It:
“This is a life we’ve chosen. This world, to me, is always like the mafia. You get hired, eventually, you get whacked, and you live as much as you can in between,” mused Nebraska head coach Matt “Don” Rhule, pocketing a cool $5.5 million to play the godfather of Cornhusker nation.
The Quirky and the Quotable:
- Living under a rock: A team unacquainted with the Gatorade bath ritual.
- Gatorade bathin’: Celebratory hydration in full swing.
- It’s Dolly’s World: A tribute to the one and only Dolly Parton.
- Tribute to Don Beebe: Flashback to the gridiron heroics of Don Beebe.
- Tribute to DeSean Jackson: Because some moments deserve an encore.
- Tackling drills needed: A team struggling in the fundamentals.
- Up in da club: Someone’s making waves in the touchdown club.
- Pickin’ and sixin’: Defensive prowess on display.
Stats for Your Consideration:
- 8: Total touchdowns for LSU quarterback Jayden Daniels against Georgia State (6 passing, 2 rushing).
- 19: Interceptions this season by Oklahoma and Liberty, leading the nation.
- 33: Rushing touchdowns allowed by North Texas in 11 games, a dubious FBS record.
- 88: Yards passing for Penn State against Rutgers, post-dismissal of offensive coordinator Mike Yurcich.
- 1,000: Victories in Michigan’s program history, a silver lining in a challenging season.
- 26,000: Estimated attendance at James Madison for ESPN’s “College GameDay.”
- $1.85 million: The price tag for New Mexico State’s memorable trip to Auburn.
So, there you have it, folks—the highs, the lows, and everything in between in the unpredictable world of college football. Until next week, keep the tea brewing and the tweets rolling. Cheers!
